From the 1950s until the year 2000 there are some important German and US-American sociological and psychological studies about same sex relationships especially between gay men, like Dannecker and Reiche (1974), McWhirter and Mattison (1986), Pingel and Trautvetter (1987) or Richard A. Isay (1993).

But since then, there have been only a couple of studies (Buba & Vaskovics 2001, Çetin 2012, Wagner 2014) that explored experiences of discrimination for gay couples and how homosexuality became more or less accepted in society due to changing attitudes of population and legal changes. 

However, a research gap can be identified concerning the ways in which gay men arrange their relationships, in the light of discrimination and its effect on couple’s cooperation and the questions: How do social and legal changes could influence partnership’s dynamics and how do gay men cope with different personal and structural challenges? Especially considering how society has changed, former problems might have been solved (e. g. political persecution) or became easier to handle (e. g. living with the threat of HIV due to medical improvement) whereas new challenges might come up (e. g. marriage and child adoption without descent role models). 

As there is a desideratum and, hence, a need for research on relationships between gay men in the 21^st Century, I developed the two following research questions: What kind of challenges might gay relationships face nowadays? How do they cope with different challenges based on relationship as a couple and individually? 

By summarizing most of German or English-speaking studies I realized that most of the studies include heteronormative point of views and valuations about role allocation, sexual arrangements, and general lifestyles. They also seem to be written from a white, socially and economically privileged, (hetero-)normative perspective. So, the aim was not only to have a constant heteronormative-critical perspective, but to find diverse interview partners according to age, social and family background, ethnicity and (mental) health. 

I refer to a social constructivist and post-structuralist approach that became very common in educational and social research, especially in quality and biographical research (Fritzsche et al. 2001; Jäckle 2009; Kleiner 2016). Not only gender, but the norms about sexual and romantic relationships are seen as culturally and historically constructed, to have an open-minded focus and attitude on relationships between gay men free of prejudice.

From an educational point of view coping strategies (e. g. the coming out process in front of family and friends) can be seen as processes of Bildung, in which the relation between the subject (self) and its environment (world) can lead to a fundamental transformation (Koller 2018) after e. g. a coming out, when someone can not only act and live due someone’s true (sexual and romantical) identity, but can live and arrange someone’s partnership without restrictions in everyday life. In the context of social disadvantages everyday experiences of differences for having a non-normative sexuality often prevent a subject’s fundamental transformation. But the agency/capacity to act as a process of stabilization can be understood as a process of Bildung as well (Wischmann 2010; Wischmann & Jansen 2023).

This perspective does not only lead to a positive view towards gay relationships and their potential to grow (as individuals and as a couple) but make an important impact on the discourse of educational processes and educational research under consideration of social injustice and disadvantages.

Methodologically biographical research does not only consider individual life experiences but also structural challenges in the life of gay men to understand relationships and their ways of coping with couple challenges. Biographical education research can inductively focus on individual meaning and coping styles (Marotzki 2006a: 60, 2006b: 113). The biographical narrative interview (Schütze 1977) as an appropriate method for an explorative strategy can work out different challenges gay men experience in their relationships considering also other disadvantages through varying differentiating categories (e. g. social background or ethnicity) in the biography. To analyze the qualitative data the biographical case reconstruction (Rosenthal 2014) is an appropriate technique to collect qualitative data in a general biographical context. At the end of the qualitative analysis the achievement is a theoretical generalization about couple challenges and coping strategies (Rosenthal 2002: 8). By means of ten individual cases and a detected typology of different coping strategies the different individual cases do not lead to general, but to similar possible cases (Rosenthal 2002: 8; Lewin 1927/1967: 18). These outcomes gain knowledge about individual and couples challenges, possible coping strategies and helpful resources. But furthermore, they open a new perspective on self-education under specific circumstances. Although the research is focused on couples living in German cities, mostly grown up in Germany, and the outcomes may not be used universal, but the methodological strategy and its heteronormative-critical perspective can influence educational research on a global base.

As I analyzed half of my qualitative data so far here are three areas of conflicts that are exemplary for couple challenges. 1. Coming out: When a couple is not open about their sexuality (family, friends, work) and does not receive acceptance and appreciation as a couple, the own appreciation of a non-normative relationship can be negatively affected. If only one partner is openly gay and the other partner is (still) in the closet, there can be fundamental differences about everyday practices and ideal values, that can be questioning the whole relationship. 2. Ambivalent socialization of sexual exclusivity and openness: On the one hand, most people grow up with a heteronormative ideal of a romantic relationship, where monogamy is indispensable. On the other hand, sexual openness has always been a part of gay subculture due to historical circumstances […]. At the same time there is a “new” gay monogamous ideal of romantic relationships since the early 2000s (Buba & Vaskovics 2001). Because of outside expectations, own needs and social pressure but missing non-monogamous role models (e. g. through media or school) gay relationships depend on negotiation processes, that can be hard to cope with. If the couple does not possess relevant communication skills, a separation might be the only available coping strategy. 3. Physical or verbal assaults: When a couple is being assaulted physically or verbally in public, for instance in the darkness or in public spaces, this might affect the way they present themselves in public in the future. Not only can their presence and togetherness in public be limited. As they are less seen and get less recognition and appreciation from society, this might also harm their own validation of their partnership […]. By the time the congress takes place the outcomes and conclusions will be completed.

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