The growing pervasion of advanced neoliberal logic in the United States has resulted in a deep confluence between public institutions, political figures, and corporations. One result of this phenomenon is that politicians and corporations widely and unquestioningly support public school-business partnerships in a variety of iterations. This paper documents the private sector’s strategic appropriation of children’s health as a mechanism to colonize health education, curriculum and policies. It offers an analysis of privatization efforts and the associated discourses and rationalities that sustain these. Specifically, this research examines the rise and influence of various public/private ‘partnerships’ claiming to help schools address children’s health. A number of these partnerships are described, with an emphasis on their form, function and effects. It is revealed that ‘partnership’ discourses often work to unproblematically stitch together various private and public sector actors including business, philanthropic and non-governmental agencies. One consequence of this discursive alignment is the establishment of industry as a necessary and valuable ally whose interests are akin to those in the public sector. The analysis suggests that partnerships hold important implications for students, teachers, schools, as well as the future of health education, health policies and educational governance.