Both the concept of the child (infans) and the concept of the friend (philos) are at the heart of philosophy of education; and as the heart often slumbers in the darkness within our bodies, so do both of these concepts reside in the implicit corners of our educational theory and practice. The discourse of the learning environment, ideas as inclusion, child-centrism, child-friendly schools, and the child’s best interest are governed by a notion of being friends with kids. But what does it mean to be friends with children? Can adults überhaupt be friends with children?  In this paper the author analyses both concept in order to elaborate on these questions and what they enthrall.

The rather common sense argument, which states that friendship should be based on equality, and that the relation between the educator and the educated is unequal, leads to the impossibility of friendship. This argument can for instance be found in Montaigne’s essay on friendship (Montaigne, 2009). The author argues that this argument fails to grasp the wealth and subtlety of both concepts and proposes to elaborate another track of reasoning.  Firstly the concept of the child is analyzed, whereby a difference is made between ‘the empirical childhood’ and the ‘metaphysical child’. The first stands for a difference between child and adult that is materialized in and maintained by several systems of division; of which biology, family, school, law, economy, media and religion take a central role and result in a separate world for children and adults. The metaphysical child, then, is the difference that is made through a metaphysical concept, such as innocence and playfulness, and takes place within the each individual. Secondly, by following Agambens analysis of friendship (Agamben, 2009) as a ‘shared being’, or a ‘con-division’, a twofold argument is elaborated, that forms a critique on the current educational discourse.

Firstly the underlying ‘friendliness’ with children is seen as a confirmation of the metaphysical child. This is expressed in today’s glorification and mythification of childhood that in its turn strengthens and lengthens the ‘empirical childhood’. By showing that in the discourse of the learning environment a neutralization of a certain experience of childhood (Masschelein, 2001) is present, an inner contradiction is laid bare. Lastly, this experience of childhood can be shared, and this would, in its turn, lead to a neutralization of the difference between children and adults. The aporia of ‘being friends with kids’ is thus elaborated as either an enforcement of a metaphysical childhood, or either a cancelling out of a difference between child and adult.

Agamben, G. (2009). ‘What is an apparatus?’ and other essays (D. Kishik & S. Pedatella, trans.). California: Stanford University Press. Masschelein, J. (2001). The discourse of the learning society and the loss of childhood. Journal of philosophy of education, 35 (1), 1-20 Montaigne, M. (2009). Over vriendschap (trans, F. de Graaff). Amsterdam: Boom.