In Sweden every year 2.000.000 so called development talks between teachers, pupils and parents are processed within the school system. From 1994 grades were not given until the 8:th school year but instead the development talk was made a compulsory element. In other words it presents a professional task for teachers.These talks should in accordance with official school documents be held in a mutual and equal climate and also be well prepared by the three parties involved. The aim is to give proper and clear information about the pupil´s results related to goals in the curriculum but also give a good picture of the pupil´s social development. There is little research done on this "new" form of development talks, but research on the old less ambitious ones before 1995 (Viveka Adelswärd 1993) already shows that these talks are worth discussing. In the first place the distinction is vague between the institutionalised, yet personal talk involving professionals and laymen and on the other hand the personal talk involving friends that have no other aim than the relation itself. The professional talk seems be dangerously seductive as it easily appears to be equal and personal. Fairclough (1993) analyses the special role of the talk in the post modern society and its manipulative character. In this context he refers to Habermas meaning that communicative practices are exchanged by strategic practices and in this way the state and the economic system is continuously colonising peoples life worlds. The question is if the development talks in school should be considered as manipulative and strategic more than communicative practices?In this paper I will try to analyse at least ten development talks and I will regard them as tools or means for disciplining practices within schools. When grades disappeared from the first seven school years log-books and development talks were quickly introduced as an instrument for self reflection and self evaluation. In many schools students instead of teachers lead the talks. The student is taught to organise the talks, to plan, to reflect and lead the conversation between her- or himself, teacher and parents. In research about communication there is a concentration on dialogs, but in the development talks there is not a dyad, there is this triad that holds a different and very complicated structure. The members of the talk, that is teacher, pupil and parents tend to shape different kinds of alliances and could also change several times during the same talk.In these talks I intend to concentrate on three issues or concepts: intimacy, individuality and communication within a triad. So far it seems as if the increasing intimacy of the public and media space is equal to the tendency of increasing intimacy in the school system.