This paper is a critical reflection on a chapter from my EdD thesis, entitled Developing a sense of self-in-the-world: staff and student narratives from a post-1992 university in the North of England, completed in 2018. The chapter in question, Reflective Narrative, provides a reflection on my personal and professional development gained throughout the research process and particularly through the co-construction of the narratives with my student participants, which were framed around a Freirean-inspired dialogical approach (Freire, 2000). Meanwhile this paper looks at my ongoing personal and professional learning in the context of internationalisation of higher education, and specifically at how this has been influenced by societal change at local and global level. Change which has impacted my thinking include the global protests in support of Black Lives Matter (BLM) which followed the killing of George Floyd in the USA in 2020 which has brought questions of race to the fore and energised the calls for decolonisation requiring many of us question our ‘white privilege’, the covid 19 pandemic which disrupted mobility, which – rightly or wrongly- was so central to internationalisation, and the effects of Brexit and the ‘levelling up’ agenda which is important to a post 1992 university where many students are from underrepresented backgrounds, and which is committed to regional development.

My study was framed by internationalisation at home (Beelen and Jones, 2015). Here, the focus on ‘domestic environments’, ‘all students’ overlaps with the wider issues of Equality, Diversity and Inclusion (EDI). The emphasis is on the curriculum rather than mobility as a more equitable way of achieving desired outcomes. The synergy was recognised by Caruana and Ploner (2010) yet it has been cast into the spotlight in recent years, not least by the BLM protests which have exposed racial inequalities in UK society including higher education (Advance HE, 2021). The intersections between internationalisation and EDI are being explored in the literature, notably within Critical Internationalisation Studies (Stein, 2021) and Inclusive Internationalisation (De Mol and Perez-Encinas, 2022). Within Internationalisation at Home, Kim (2021) looks at the identities of ‘home’ students through an intersectional lens to identify invisible social inequalities which might create barriers between them. However, this is a new area of research, and many questions remain at both a theoretical level, and in practice where conversations between university teams leading on policy in these areas remain in silos (Jones and Stein, 2022).

Wimpenny et al (2022) point to the tensions between internationalisation and decolonisation from the perspectives of three individual academics across three universities in Europe. Drawing on Sanderson’s (2004) process model of ‘internationalisation of the self’ they assert that changes to the curriculum start with changes in the individual. In line with Wimpenny et al (2002), this paper takes the individual as the starting point for curriculum change. It critically analyses my Reflective Narrative chapter, written six years ago and extends it to include my personal and professional learning since, as influenced by the societal challenges outlined above. It seeks to trace a journey fraught with tensions from internationalisation of the self (Sanderson, 2004) towards decolonisation of the self (Fakunle, Kalinga and Lewis, 2019) in the light of the challenges outlined above. The aim is to start a conversation among network 22 about how as HE professionals, we learn and unlearn to embrace the challenges we face on what may be an uncomfortable journey to create a curriculum which tackles existing inequalities enables equality of outcomes.

Methodology: This paper will present a critical reflection and extension of a chapter located within a broader narrative inquiry. Narrative inquiry takes many forms, but the shared focus is on the meanings people ascribe to their experiences, particularly on how participants impose order on the flow of experience to make sense of events and actions in their lives (Trahar, 2011). Within this narrative approach the chapter in question is influenced by autoethnography (Ellis and Bochner, 2000), in which the researcher is the object of inquiry. Ellis and Bochner’s model celebrates personal, passionate, reflexive writing, which allows readers to feel the moral dilemmas, and consider how their own lives can become a story worth telling. It will be used to frame my personal and professional journey and to inspire the audience of network 22 to share on the challenges they face as we towards decolonising our academic selves (Sanderson; 2011). Narratives are able to connect personal and societal issues (Kincheloe, McLaren and Steinberg, 2011) and we will explore how our stories might benefit the wider community. Theoretical framework: I will take Sanderson’s (2004) theory of the ‘internationalisation of the self’ as a starting point. Underpinned by existentialism and post-colonial studies (Said, 1979), it represents a process by which we come to know ourselves in relation to others. It posits that fear of the unknown, rooted in colonial relations, presents a barrier to acceptance of the cultural other, which, Sanderson argued that the era of globalisation was forcing us to revisit and which I will argue is even more pressing now, particularly with the calls for decolonisation of education. I will draw on more recent sources calling for the decolonisation of the self, primarily a personal narrative offered by Samia Chasi (2021) who emphasises that decolonisation comes from within, in a personal narrative illustrating how (de)colonisation impacts on her/ their personal and professional life, bringing a European/ African perspective to the discussion. I will then refer to Sanderson’s later work (2008; 2011) which focuses on the development of the academic self and the vital role it plays in developing an internationalised outlook in students, suggesting that the two are interdependent. I ask how Sanderson’s theory be developed to theorise the decolonisation of the academic self and the role it might play in decolonising the curriculum, for the benefit of all students as well as to local and global communities.

The expected outcome is that the paper presents a narrative which inspires the audience to share their personal and professional experiences from different contexts as they navigate the sometimes uncomfortable journey from internationalisation of the self towards decolonisation of the self. Tensions may surround positionality, use of appropriate terminology, revealing of colonial assumptions or unconscious bias, dealing with racism in the classroom. The discussion will go on to consider how the decolonised self may impact on the curriculum and in turn on wider society.

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